Blue Odysseys

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If you ever travel to Europe, specifically Pisa, Italy do NOT ever rent a car from these ASSHOLES!!!! We made arrangements in advance for a rental with them with a quote of about $330 for 5 days and it ended up costing us a total of about $650 because they are too lazy to do their jobs!!

IF YOU SEE THE BLUE SIGN WITH THE WHITE ELEPHANT – TURN AND GO THE OTHER WAY!! THEY SHOULD BE CALLED LOCO-AUTO – BECAUSE THEY ARE CRAZY AND THEY WILL SCREW YOU OVER BIG TIME!

When we arrived at the terminal there was only ONE GUY working and his name was GIOVANNI – yeah ok whatever, we were in Italy right? He told me they would hold a $1500 security deposit for the car, that I would get back when we returned it. After we finished the paperwork, he told us to go out to the parking lot to the car and notate on the piece of paper he gave me all the damages to the car. HE DID NOT ACCOMPANY US. He gave us the license plate for the car but not the slot where it would be and said to look for the LOCAUTO logo which has an elephant on it. We went through every single parked car, TWICE, where the LOCAUTO cars were parked. We did not find it. So I left my travel companion outside with the luggage and went back in. When I got there, another customer was complaining to him about the damages to their car and the fact there was only ¾ tank of gas, and Giovanni was waving his hands and talking LOUD in Italian. Hearing and seeing complaining customer should have been my big clue that this was a schiester operation, but I was so tired from traveling for 18 hours straight that I was not thinking clearly.

I told him we could not find the car and once again, he was the ONLY ONE working that day. He told me to go back out to the parking lot and wait for him. When he finally finished with the prior customer, he located the car, in the HERTZ parking area, not the LOCAUTO area with the elephant logo signs, and brought it to us. I asked him to wait because I wanted to notate the damages to the car. He said to CIRCLE where the damage was on the car, and bring it back to him inside so that he could sign it. I had no idea this was not ‘proper’ procedure. (I found out later when we returned the car that he was supposed to underline and initial where the damage was for which we were punished and penalized although we did what we were told). We found 4 separate damages to the car. I had my travel companion look very closely to make sure we noted all damage, to which she bellows.. “WTF is this? Rent a Wreck?”

1. the left rear wheel well was damaged
2. the left rear bumper had a huge hole in it and was cracked
3. the front bumper was damaged with a large scratch
4. the right rear wheel well was scratched very badly and some of the paint was gone. (this is the one that I was accused of doing although it was clearly there when we got the car)

I circled on the paper where all the damage was and went back inside. I asked him to sign the paper and put his name on there. There were no other cars available as I heard another customer come up to the counter and ask for a car. He said there were none. After he INITIALED only the paper, not where I had circled the damages but somewhere else on the paper, I went back out to the car. We loaded our luggage and started to leave. I noticed the tank was not full, but only 7/8 so I went back inside AGAIN and asked him to initialthat I would return the car with this much fuel. OMFG talk about the worst customer service anywhere!?!?!

We returned to the airport on Saturday Sept 13^th. When we returned it, it had been raining all day. The car was obviously dirty from the rain. As I returned it, there were 2 people working that day behind the counter. One of them came outside to look at the car. She said that I did the damage to the right rear wheel well and that I was lying about it since the form was not filled out properly. I told her that I did exactly what I was told to do by Giovanni. She said I was lying. This STUPID ITALIAN BIOTCH called ME, a CUSTOMER, a LIAR TO MY FACE!!! I asked her to call him and ask him. Of course he did not remember so he came up to the airport. He went out to look at the car and of course could not remember the damage that was there since he was not there on the day we reviewed the car for damages, but inside dealing with another upset customer. I pulled out the paperwork again showing them where I had circled the damages. She told me that is was not done right, that each damage had to be signed/initialed by the LOCAUTO employee. I tried explaining to them that I did exactly what I was told. They looked at me like I was stupid. They said it was not signed by Giovanni so the damages were not properly noted. I asked them how much they were going to charge my account. They said they did not know until they washed the car – because of the rain – and that I would find out when I got back to the US. I told them I wanted a receipt and the total that was being charged to my card. They refused to provide it.

We did not have much time to argue with them because we were catching a flight to Malta within an hour and a half. In essence they were holding us hostage there at the counter, refusing to give me a printed receipt and I not knowing what was being charged. This made me very uncomfortable. Once again, I pulled out the paperwork explaining to them what I was told to do and that the damage to the right rear wheel well was already there. They waved me off and sort of laughed at me. Rather than continue trying to get a resolution to something we could not resolve, and knowing we had a flight to catch, we left their counter, feeling confused and violated. The charges did not appear on my VISA statement for over a week.

When I initially rented the car, I made a deposit of 20.80 euro. The remainder of the balance was 117.76 Euro – documentation provided. When I was able to log on to my VISA account to see the total, which was finally charged on 9/17, I saw they charged a total of $673.89 for the remainder of the rental and the supposed damages that we did to the car, which we did not do.

I followed the verbal directions that were given to me by the attendant that day. Giovanni was the only one working the counter. After reviewing my experience with them as well as listening to the other customer complaining about the damages to his rental, I am not sure they are not running somesort of scam. The other customer, English male, was also told to CIRCLE the damage to his car, so it seems that were the instructions that were verbally given to customers that day so they could scam them out of funds for their own use or whatever. Clearly they were not using the extra monies charged for damages to rentals because the cars were Rent-A-Wrecks to the max. So here these assholios are over-charging customers then not using the money to fix the torn up cars? WTF? Maybe they are giving it all to Giovanni so he can get his hair done.

We have learned from this horrible experience: 1) not to rent from LOCAUTO ever again and 2) to take a photo of all damages to the car with the rental representative in all the photos.

We traveled to Europe from the US wanting to see Malta and Tuscany. Being the travel savvy chicks that we are we decided to try and do this as economically as possible. We flew to London from Houston, flew to Tuscany and then on to Malta, back to London, and finally to Houston using cheap European puddle jumpers to get to our destinations. You don’t even want to know how many hours we put into fine tuning the flights so we had enough time in each place, enough time to get to the airports, etc

We saved a CONSIDERABLE amount of money doing it this way. Before you try this at home there are some things you need to be aware of.  With both RyanAir and Easyjet… you are allowed 1 suitcase and 1 carry on (which is obviously a purse for a woman). It will be WEIGHED. And the limit is NOT 50 pounds, it is closer to 20. And your empty suitcase weighs something you know, even before you put something IN IT. EVERY pound over that you will PAY FOR and it is expensive.

Ryanair who we now call CRYIN AIR – allowing 15kg Checked Luggage + 10kg Hand Luggage and you may not share weight with your travel companions!!! When Ryanair states a limit of 15kg this doesn’t mean that when travelling as a couple one can carry 20kg and the other 10kg. “All baggage allowances are personal and cannot be combined”. This nonsense is being enforced to the extent that people are having to repack at the check in desk so that each individual bag conforms to the weight limit.

And here is the kicker – if you go OVER you are charged 15 EUROS per KG that you are over. So if you take two pairs of shoes instead of one you are totally fucked. TO MAKE THINGS WORSE, THEY INCREASED THEIR PER KILO OVERAGE CHARGE WHILE WE WERE TRAVELING!!!! WHAT A BUNCH OF STUPID BULLSHIT – WHEN WE LEFT IT WAS 10 EUROS PER KILO – WE HAD THAT ON OUR DOCUMENTS, BUT THE BITCH AT THE AIRPORT IN MALTA INFORMED US IT WAS RAISED TWO DAYS AGO, FUCK YOU VERY MUCH.

Then we have the assholios over at SLEAZY Jet – well really it is EasyJet, but having flown with them several times now, I am so done, although they are WAY MORE REASONABLE than Ryan Air. You can check up to 8 pieces of checked-in hold baggage to a maximum combined weight of 20kg. A fee per kilo for excess weight is charged at the airport prior to departure of only 12 EUROS per KG over.

So do you really save money on the ticket? PROBABLY NOT! Other airlines charged 300 dollars as opposed to Ryanair and Easyjet less than $150, but when you add on the extra pounds for your luggage, it may come out pretty close to even. At least you can BUY some stuff on your vacation, other than what you brought with you. And some clean underwear. We are NOT heavy packers but being gone for two weeks with no opportunity to wash clothes, we obviously exceeded the weight limit.

If you live in America you may opt instead to use one of the more expensive airlines instead of doing what we did. We were constantly trying to fit our purses in our carry-ons, packing, re-packing, weighing, and worrying. If you are traveling light for a short stay, not the two weeks we were gone or if you have the opportunity to do laundry while away, go for it and try the cheaper options of Ryanair and Easyjet – god damn though, where is British Airways when you need them.

Please think about what your needs really are before you chose an option like Ryanair or Easyjet. It just may wind up costing you more money, and more frustration than you bargained for!

What the hell is happening to television programming? AMC used to stand for American Movie Classics. Then they started showing shit like Steven Segal movies and I demanded their heads. Bravo TV used to show weird cool stuff like Cirque de Soleil (before everyone knew what it was) and now they have Real Housewives of the (insert name) and their rotten kids. They need to change their name to MTV.You can read our rant Why Network Programming Really Sucks, but now we are focusing our attention on The Travel Channel. They are really working my last nerve. I want them to start calling themselves “THE CLOGGED ARTERY CHANNEL” or perhaps The Glutton Network.

23. Diner Paradise : followed by alka seltzer paradise

24. Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern: Gross. Just gross. I don’t want to see someone eating spiders, rats on a stick, bats on a stake, grasshoppers, sheep heads, fish eyes or anything else that is creepy crawly. GAG. Why isn’t this who on Chill or SyFy?

Its no wonder there is so much obesity in this country… The Travel Channel clearly promotes it with their line of programming. But what about travel? What about shows that highlight Paris, Ireland, Thailand, Yellowstone… anywhere but a greasy-spoon truckstop in the middle of Podunk, Nowhere who serve up 64 oz chicken fried steak smothered with cream gravy.

Remember Donny and Marie’s “I’m a little bit country, and I’m a little bit rock and roll”? Well, comparing Anthony Bourdain to Samantha Brown is like comparing Marie Osmond of the 70′s to today’s Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails. He’s a little bit snarky, and she’s a whole lotta corn. So what we really want to know is WHY IS SAMANTHA BROWN STILL ON TELEVISION?

My friend and I traveled overseas last summer, visiting Tuscany and then on to Malta. Being the travel savvy chicks that we are, knowing the ins and outs of where to sniff out a deal, I suggested we fly to London, Gatwick airport on Continental Airlines and then take one a hop over to Tuscany…. (please see blog on the horror of renting a car from LocAuto) after an 8 hour layover in the airport. Thinking we would be able to sleep on the overseas flight, we went ahead and chose this option, both being One Pass members we knew we would be getting valuable miles.

OMG – those miles were the most costly miles of our lives. Those 4860 miles was the longest journey we have ever taken, together or singularly because of its similarity in being in a Turkish prison, which in retrospect might have been a better alternative. Torture, it was torture.

We were sure to book well in advance and managed to secure bulkhead seats so that we would be comfortable for our journey. We sat in our seats, looked through all the infight stuff and settled down for what we thought would be several hours of conversation to be followed by sleep. BOY WERE WE WRONG!

The seat configuration was 2 seats on either aisle and 3 seats in the middle. A family of 8 got on with a mother and father and 6 children. They were all to sit in the middle configuration of seats. And not together. Then to our horror the mother and father sit down, with a TODDLER in their lap. This child was no small infant. She had teeth because she kept baring them to us. I thought ok they have to be putting her in that seat on the other side of the parents…seeing there were three of them. WRONG. THEY INTENDED TO ALLOW THIS CHILD TO SIT IN THEIR LAPS FOR THE ENTIRE 9 HOUR JOURNEY!!!!! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??

I can’t get up to use the toilet if the plane farts, but they are going to hold this child in their laps the entire flight and it is going to behave? I don’t think so. And so begins the flight of HELL.

As soon as the flight took off, this child was on the floor and running all over the place. The flight attendants had them corral her so they could server dinner and drinks – which by this point I seriously needed. But wait, the mother ordered wine herself and poured some into the childs bottle and mixed it with apple juice then gave it to her. After about an hour of her running around and drinking her wine juice, and the parents were both engaged watching in flight entertainment, the decided to corral her and put her in the seat for a little while – where she continued to shreik, drink wine juice and watch a little tv. Ah peace for 10 minutes then all of a sudden all this commotion to our left, yet again. WTF is going on now? oh the child peed, in the seat – she peed through her diaper, through her clothes and onto the seat cushion. By now flight attendants are present trying to clean up the mess. So they changed her diaper, right there in the seat of course, and put some clean clothes on her so now mabye she will settle down?

So now the cabin is dark because most of the passengers are sleeping soundly in their seats, but we are still enjoying the shrieking of the child who is now sitting in her fathers lap directly across the seat from us – who is tossing her up in the air and catching her and saying “good night” in his Nigerian accent. Ok good night already – toss – toss – toss and the wine apple juice mix must be churning in the childs stomach by now, but no, Mount Vesuvius – she vomited — all over herself and her parents and the seats. Call the fucking fire department already – we now have 3 flight attendants trying to clean up the mess, hoping that no one else got sick from the fumes.

I was never so glad when a plane landed in my life – I love Continental – I am a Continental girl and have flown them almost exclusively for the last 20 years, since the city where I live is a Continental hub. Now I understand that there are issues with children on overseas flights, and that is all well and good… but seriously, we have some pointers for you.

1. WHYin the name of ALL THAT IS HOLY IS THIS CHILD NOT REQUIRED TO HAVE A GOD DAMNED SEAT FOR A 9 HOUR FLIGHT? ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE? How could that possibly be safe? not only for her but for the other passengers? WE ARE TRULY DISGUSTED AND STUNNED THAT THIS WAS ALLOWED!!!!
2. Most passengers do NOT want to sit next to spewing, screaming, vomiting children.
3. Most passengers do NOT think children of other passengers are CUTE nor do we want to lend a hand looking after them during a 9-hour flight.
4. Hell we don’t even want to fly ON the same flight as children – why can’t you have an all adult flight? I bet lots of folks wold take it -
5. Why don’t you have a CHILDREN AREA on the plane. You have an EXIT ROW for fucks sake that says NO CHILDREN THIS ROW, why can’t you do it with other parts of the plane.

This was one of the worst flights I have ever taken, but so much of it could have been avoided not just for my friend and I, but for the other hundred or so passengers that were bothered by this stupid behavior – FORCE THEM TO BUY A SEAT FOR CHILDREN FLYING OVER SEAS IF THOSE CHILDREN CAN WALK AND TALK… or maybe next time my friend and I will just buy one seat and take turns sitting in each others laps. It is the best interest of the safety of your passengers and cabin crew.